In this video I’m going to tell you about the lesson I learned after receiving some negative feedback.
A few week ago I was interviewed on a local radio station about my online conscious confidence course.
After the interview, I happened to overhear an incoming caller message from a man who was complaining that the interview was boring.
Naturally hearing that, I was initially hurt.
But on the drive home I started to process that negative comment.
First of all, I identified what I was feeling, listing the emotions – embarrassment, hurt, disappointment, anger, defensiveness.
Then I chose to look at where that comment was coming from – A man who is not my target audience, who isn’t interested in women’s confidence.
I then put myself in his shoes – if he was the one being interviewed and he was talking about cars or motorbikes, I probably wouldn’t be interested either. Granted, I probably wouldn’t take the time to call in and complain but I wouldn’t be interested in the topic of his conversation.
That’s when my perception of this ‘negative’ incident completely changed for me, turning it into a matter of fact, rather than something to get upset about. I could actually feel the emotional shift inside.
By the time I got home, I could actually feel the sensation of gratitude, because I had just learned 2 things:
- I can change how I feel about receiving negative feedback. I actually can change it.
- I have a process to help me manage my reaction to any future negative feedback, and that is:
- Recognize, identify and name all the emotions that have come up in response to the feedback and why you think those emotions showed up.
- Reflect on where the feedback is coming from. Who is the person and what is their perspective.
- Place yourself in the other person’s shoes and recognize how you would have reacted if the tables were turned, and then ask ‘why’ you would have reacted that way.
- Ask yourself if your hypothetical reactions were in any way personally directed at the other person, or rather in response to the situation.
- When you realize that it’s not a personal attack on that person’s character, flip that feeling back into the current situation and hopefully you’ll have reframed the way you feel about the negative feedback because you’ve taken the emotion out of it and you’ve replaced it with understanding.
I’m sure there’s probably a more academic approach to dealing with negative feedback, but this is the process that I recognized in my own experience of it. And of course, I’m not saying the initial hurt immediately disappears, but for me it certainly dissolved it, and later that night, it had faded completely.
Hopefully this will help you manage any negative feedback you receive more constructively and ultimately have you feeling more confident and even grateful for the experience!
I hope you enjoyed this video and found it helpful. If so, go ahead and give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel. A caring sister is a sharing sister, so if you have a friend or family member who’s confidence could do with a boost, do her a favor and send her this video.
I’d love to hear from you!
What are your thoughts?
Let me know in the comments below…
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