In this video I share another confidence tip for women by chatting about disagreeing with & challenging others. Stopping the people pleasing and starting to stand up for yourself.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – I’m a recovering people pleaser. One of the challenges I suffered with most, was not being able to challenge or disagree with others. In this video I’m sharing some things I’ve learned about disagreeing and challenging other people.
My Story of the Wrong Gadget
The other day, I ordered a piece of audio equipment online. My husband had seen a sale online and forwarded me the link. Thinking that he’d already read up on the specific gadget the link was referencing, I went ahead and paid for it.
An hour later when hubby got home I thanked him for the link and told him I’d gone ahead and bought the item. It was at that point that he told me he hadn’t actually read up on the item, he was just sending me the website and the link happened to be on the kind of gadget I was looking for but it was the completely wrong one.
So an hour after paying for the product I emailed the store in question to cancel the order. I didn’t hear from them for a few days so I followed up and finally got a response, but only just before the delivery guy knocked on my door with the wrong order!! Talk about timing!
Their response was that I can return the item and get a refund, but I would have to pay the courier costs.
At first, my initial reaction was – “oh I suppose so…” and the people pleasing version of me would have left it at that and paid the courier bill.
But then I started thinking about it a bit more…
Yes I had ordered the wrong item, but I had cancelled it in writing an hour after ordering it. Surely they wouldn’t have packaged and posted the item within the space of that hour?
So I challenged them and laid out my argument as to why I didn’t think I was liable for the courier charge.
Celebrate the Small Win
Now for some of you this might seem like a minor encounter, but for someone who usually capitulates to others’ will because of a sense of obligation or out of a fear of conflict, this can be a momentous occasion.
Here’s my take away on how to disagree and stand your ground with confidence…
How to disagree & stand your ground with confidence.
- I think the key is to get clarity on both your perspectives – hear what the other person is saying and understand where they’re coming from. This helps you see the argument from their point of view.
- Ask yourself where you actually stand on this point – What’s your counter argument. How do you actually feel? Why do you feel that way?
- Use ‘I’ language when approaching a disagreement as a way to not throw blame – Explain how you feel, or what you think in response the a given action.
- And remember – No is a full sentence. – you don’t always have to give an explanation. If you realize that your answer is no, then just say that with confidence, full stop.
And if you don’t feel the confidence in that moment, check out my video about the alternative to the fake it ’til you make it.
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