We’re all in it.

In the thick of it. In the thick of a very unsettling change of season…

For sure, some this time is more unsettling than for others. The Medical Professionals, for instance.

And what I’m having to tell myself is…

“just because someone else is worse off than you at this time, doesn’t make your experience of this global event any less significant.”

I find myself falling into feeling guilty about the things I’m getting anxious about. Like, “How am I going to pay my bills at the end of the month if I can’t go out and photograph people.” Or, “I wish I had a bigger home and beautiful garden to enjoy during lock down in.”…when there’s many people locking down in woefully inadequate housing.

My anxiety is falling into a pool of guilt.

The Guilt

The guilt doesn’t end there… it flows over onto my clients, my family, my friends and my husband and the rest of the planet, including my Self…

Guilt for not getting back to my clients sooner, because I can’t quite face my inbox right now.

Guilt for not calling my family and friends every single day, or for feeling the resistance to call because of how it might make ME feel.

Guilt for making other people’s struggles all about me.

Guilt for not knowing how to support my husband while he’s facing the intense pressures that he is.

Guilt for not being more organised and not having my online business more established so that it can serve more women and ease the financial pressures at home. Shameless plug…

Guilt for taking all our freedoms for granted and not making better choices while we had the chance.

Guilt for being too complacent and tolerating far too much misalignment in my life which is now amplified due to the lock down.

All the could’ve’s, should’ve’s and would’ve’s.

I’m facing them in this chaotic transition. We all are, I’m sure of it.

When we face them, we can do something about them.

At the moment I can’t do much, by that I mean, I can’t do it all.

I’m doing the best I can.

…those overdue emails – I’m doing the best I can.

…those overdue phonecalls and unanswered Whatsapps – I’m doing the best I can.

…that misplaced compassion – I’m doing the best I can.

…supporting my husband through this – I’m doing the best I can.

…growing my online businessI’m doing the best I can.

…appreciating the freedom, connection and opportunities I still have – I’m doing the best I can.

…no longer tolerating complacency and misalignment – I’m doing the best I can.

Breathe.

I’ve found that I’m being called to create during this time. My cocoon has sparked my need to create for the joy and experimentation of creation. Whether it’s a video, or a photo (like the autumn leaf series), or writing, or creating content for my academy… just, create.

I believe this is what’s going to get me through this, in a way that serves myself and the people around me in the best way possible – if I follow this call to create… and of course, if I continue do the best I can.

That’s all we can do. THAT, and be compassionate – with others, and ourselves.

What are you doing during lockdown to keep your personal, business and creative confidence up?

 

 

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