I recently started doing some personal work. Picking up my camera for no other reason other than to experiment, learn and express myself. At first, I thought I’d ask to photograph people I know or meet along the way, but I very quickly realised that the sheer administrative logistics of trying to coordinate with other people would be a barrier to me getting these shots done at all.
So I decided to experiment on myself. I’ve started doing some self portraits. Not because I’m vain or narcissistic, but because it’s the easiest way to make sure that these personal projects get done at all. And even then it’s not easy. I have yet to nail the creative process, and so am just fumbling around at the moment, and waiting to see what happens.
For this particular shot, it was the weekend that The Hubs and I want away to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I had all the enthusiasm and best intentions as I packed all my fru-fru girly, flowery props in the car. I didn’t know what I was going to shoot, but I was determined that I was going to wake up early, just as the sun was rising to capture the early morning light and I was going to channel my inner artist and create something spectacular.
Night fell. We went to sleep. The sun rose. And I didn’t. I saw the cracks of light streaming through the curtains, and then the argument and excuses in my head started.
“It’s probably too late already. There’s no point.”
“Other people might be up and see me. I’ll look silly prancing around in my tutu.”
“I don’t really know what I’m trying to achieve.”
Then I got up and made a cup of tea. I took a tentative walk around outside to see what was going on. It was overcast, so the light was nice and soft. There weren’t many people around at all. In fact there was no one. I had been eyeing a thin stretch of fluffy grass that was glowing softly in the morning light.
The excuses continued, but finally I realised that I’d be so pissed with myself if we went home after the weekend and I hadn’t done it. THAT was the point at which I sprung into action.
I still didn’t know what the end result would be, but I knew that my objective was just to do it. Just do it. Stop thinking and just do it.
So I did.
It took a few tries. I did feel silly. And the end result is not too bad. Certainly a growth and a learning point for me, if that’s all that I take from this image.