In this video I’m going to share with you an approach for feeling your way to confident.
Fake It ’til You Make It
I’m sure you’ve heard that saying “Fake it ’til you make it”, right? It’s a common saying that’s used to spur us into action to doing something necessary that’s outside of our comfort zone. And as you well know – confidence can only grow outside your comfort zone!
As far as I’m concerned, taking action is a crucial step in the process of becoming confident in an area that’s unknown – you have to face your fears head on!
So while I do agree with that saying in so far as it’s a catalyst to get us moving and taking action I do feel that it’s an unsustainable model on which to grow your confidence over a long period of time. It calls into question the matter of authenticity. My concern with “faking it ’til you make it” as a life long modus operandi is that somewhere along the line, you might lose touch with who you really are. If you practice something long enough, you begin to believe it, – which in a sense is what this saying is, well, saying – If you fake being a confident public speaker long enough, eventually you’ll begin to feel like a confident public speaker – which is good! But won’t you also begin to believe that you’re a fake? Won’t you begin to worry that people will find out that you’ve just been faking it all this time?
This is why I believe that Faking it ’til you make it can only get you so far. There comes a time, once you’ve starting taking the action, that you need to shift gears to make it a more authentic and sustainable approach to upleveling yourself.
In order to shift gears from your “Fake it ’til I make it” approach, you need to begin to “not just act as if, feel as if”
Don’t just act as if, feel as if
You need to find a way to feel the way it would feel if what you wanted had already happened
So with that confident public speaker example – how would you feel if you were already a confident public speaker? The obvious one is confident, you’d feel calm, capable, organized, in control, exhilarated and enthusiastic, you’d feel happy and inspired. You’d feel all the good feelings that would make you feel grateful, every time you walk out and deliver a talk in front of an audience.
This means that you have to do the do the feeling work before the doing the action work.
What does that look like?
For me it means taking 10 to 15 minutes in a quite place. Closing my eyes, breathing deeply and then imagining in my minds eye, what that version of me looks like, how she behaves and most importantly how she feels. Once I have that picture clear and solid in my imagination, I’d then focus in on those feelings and emotions that this future imagined version of me is experiencing. I’d name those feelings and emotions and I’d choose to experience them now. I’d invite them to replace my current feelings and emotions, and I’d aim to hold onto them into my waking, active hours, and in particular when I’m called to show up in a role that I’m unfamiliar or not yet confident in.
So that’s what I do when I’m feeling unsure about something I’m called to do – as well as acting as if I know what I’m doing, I also feel as if I know what I’m doing.
I hope you enjoyed this post! Remember, a caring sister is a sharing sister, so if you have a friend or family member who’s confidence could do with a boost, do her a favor and send her this post.
I’d love to hear from you!
What are your thoughts?
Let me know in the comments below…
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